Highlights -- and lowlights -- of "Dancing With the Stars"
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2007 9:16 PM by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper
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TV
I admit it, I watched Monday's premiere of "Dancing With the Stars," despite the fact that the show's about ready to be renamed "Cha cha chaing with the C-Listers." I mean, really, did you know who Shandi Finnessey was? Was anyone out there clamoring to see more of Leeza Gibbons? Are we anything but angry at Billy Ray Cyrus for bestowing "Achy Breaky Heart" upon us? And Ian Ziering? Ian Ziering?
Viewers will have to wait a whole week to find out who gets voted off, although MSNBC.com contributor Linda Holmes has some pretty sharp guesses here. As goofy as the show is, however, it's somewhat soothing. The stars are millionaires whether they win or lose, for the most part, and they're generally pretty comfortable before the cameras. Nothing's on the line for them except a really ugly trophy. These are not the nervous teens of "American Idol" putting it out there every week. Even the judges and the hosts seem to know better than to take the show too seriously -- goofily accented judges Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli trade off trying to be goofily accented, caustic Simon Cowell, but neither of them have his harsh edge.
If I had to be serious about it, I'd note that Ian Ziering wasn't half bad, Paulina Porizkova is elegance personified, and Anton Apolo Ohno has, unsurprisingly, some really fast feet. If I had to pick who's likely to get booted next week, I'd say Billy Ray Cyrus or Leeza Gibbons. If I had to pick an early winner, I like Laila Ali's chances.
But I don't have to be serious, and so here, then, are some of my own personal highlights -- and lowlights -- from the "Dancing" premiere.
Dorkiest outfit, celebrity version: Heather Mills' weirdly two-toned raspberry and vanilla dress, which even she admitted made her "feel a bit like an ice-cream sundae."
Dorkiest outfit, pro dancer version: Two-time champ Cheryl Burke appeared to be wearing a fishing net covered with those googly eyes you buy in a craft store.
Unwisest choice of music: Ian Ziering and Burke cha cha cha'd to "Mony Mony," which has been known to spark an obscene chant when played in public.
Funniest age joke: Paulina Porizkova's partner, Alec Mazo, told the classy supermodel that "my dad has a lot of pinups of you."
Age joke that backfired: "Cheers" legend John Ratzenberger, almost 60, joked that he's about to turn 72. No one in the audience thought he was kidding.
Dance move that most resembled domestic violence: Country singer Billy Ray Cyrus had to make multiple attempts before successfully, and scarily, ripping a fake mullet off the head of his partner, Karina Smirnoff.
Worst nickname: Joey Fatone's partner, Kym Johnson, helpfully chirped of the former boy-bander, "Joey Fat One's not going to be his nickname any more!" OK, but Fatone didn't help his cause much when he followed up her statement by yelling "I need a bra!"
