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Bad-idea cinema: 'Indiana Jones 5'?

Posted: Tuesday, August 05, 2008 6:20 AM by Paige Newman
Filed Under:

Sometimes Hollywood can seem like a bad-idea factory, endlessly pumping out retreads, remakes and generally lame concepts. And when I happen across one of these bad ideas, my only recourse is the deep sigh. Here are a few items that have made me sigh lately:

 

(Spoiler alert! Beware of Batman item below if you haven't seen "The Dark Knight yet)

George Lucas wants to make ‘Indiana Jones 5’


AP
Raise your hand if you don't want another "Indiana Jones" sequel.
It’s really time for Lucas to move on. The man just can’t leave his films or their legacies alone. I’m shocked we haven’t been inflicted with a CGI-update of “American Graffiti” in which the cars can fly. It’s not that “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” was a bad film, but it just felt completely unnecessary. Luckily, Spielberg is voicing some reluctance about getting involved in yet another sequel. And speaking of unnecessary Lucas projects – does the world really need the animated “Clone Wars” movie or TV series that are headed our way? Move on, George. You’ll never find a new idea to have a relationship with, unless you let the old ones go.

Howard Stern gets into the film biz
Why, oh, why can’t Hollywood leave ‘Rock N Roll High School alone? Howard Stern has decided to produce a new version of this film with Alex Winter of “Bill & Ted” fame directing. What current band could actually stand in for the Ramones? And what are the chances of the film retaining its druggy, surreal tone? Stern has more in store for unsuspecting theater-goers: A remake of “Porky’s.” What’s next  --a remake of the Tom Cruise classic “Losin’ It”? Talk about unnecessary.  

Baffling Batman sequel rumors

Not only is there talk that Philip Seymour Hoffman and Johnny Depp are being considered for the Penguin and Riddler, respectively -- now, there’s the crazy rumor that Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Rachel didn’t die, and she will be back as Catwoman. Whaaaaa? Yes, Heath Ledger did an amazing job as the Joker, but that doesn’t mean Hoffman or Depp should try to follow in his footsteps.  And why would the uber-serious Nolan go for a character as comical as the Penguin? Depp could have an even more dicey time — he can either try to top Ledger in gravitas or do a camp version of the Riddler (somewhat like his Willy Wonka) that would have no place in Nolan’s bat-universe. As for Gyllenhaal being alive and turning into Catwoman — it just seems like a cheat that Nolan wouldn’t stoop to.

 

Oh, there are many more items that have made me sigh: Darren Aronofsky’s update on “Robocop” that’s in the works, the potential remake of the awful-to-begin with “Red Dawn,” Mike Myers in “Austin Powers 4,” Tim Burton’s big-screen version of “Alice and Wonderland” (with Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter), Martin Campbell’s remake of Hitchcock’s “The Birds,”  the remake of the ‘80s teen classic “Valley Girl” (with Nic Cage’s triangle of chest hair),  and many, many more. Think any of these are great ideas? Or maybe you’ve heard a rumor that’s made you sigh? Share your thoughts.

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Comments

It's sad that Hollywood and Broadway rely on remakes instead of original ideas.  I know neither wants to chance it with the money involved but I think if the story/plot is good, people will go see an original show/movie. And why make sequels to movies that were lousy to begin with???

Robin, Las Vegas NV (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 9:36 AM)

There was a rumor about Tom Cruise in Top Gun II. Now, he'd have to play an admiral leading a bunch of hot shots on a secret mission.
Wait, didn't we already have that with Charlie Sheen?

Sorry Tom, the F-14s are in the boneyard, this idea should be too.

John Hughes, Spokane, Wash. (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 9:41 AM)

I'd actually like to see a Tim Burton remake of "Alice in Wonderland."  Other than that... seriously, people, can we come up with some ORIGINAL movies for a change?  I'm sick of disappointing remakes, remakes of movies that were bad in the first place, and endless sequels that try to wring as much money as possible out of a franchise.  (Yeah, I know that's how they make their money, but they ain't getting mine the way they're going.)

Lady A, Detroit, MI (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 9:52 AM)

My biggest sigh goes to the article that a friend sent me a few weeks ago about Rocky Horror Picture Show being remade.  Didn't they learn that this movie needs to be left alone? (or do I need to bring the ugly travesty that is Shock Treatment out into the light?)
Really though, half the fun of the original movie was the audience partici.....pation.  So are they going to carefully time the script to make sure people have time to get their callbacks in?
Oh and while I'm at it why on Earth are they remaking The Birds?  Didn't poor Hitchcock get run over the coals enough with Psycho Redux?

Leslie, Albuquerque (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 9:54 AM)

It may well be that the Hollywood exec's brains are so fried from years of drug use, that they have just forgotten the last 20 years. Then again, the real reason for the endless stream of really bad movies may be the fact that they are designed to appeal to the 80% of the population that has an IQ in the upper 80's to low 90's (dull normal).

Ben Richards (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 10:05 AM)

Ok, please explain why there is an A Team movie and  worse yet a Welcome Back Kotter movie in the pipeline. Bad tv doesn't make good movies, and why these two choices? Good tv doesn't make good movies either, so leave these "classics" alone to die in peace.

Robert, Baltimore, Maryland (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 10:35 AM)

The only thing I disagree with in this article was the claim that Kingdom of the Crystal Skull wasn't a bad movie...it was a HORRIBLE movie, I've never been so disappointed in a movie.  It was pathetic and embarrassing and I can't believe anyone that had seen the original would think this was in any way good.  

KC, Charlotte, NC (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 10:35 AM)

the riddler is actually the best bet for the newest bat villian. in the later comics, the police were known to enlist the help of the riddler to catch tricky criminals. he would take his own slice off the top. now that batman is on the run, it makes sense for him to make an appearance. im personally tired of seeing depp's face on every "quirky" and "wierd" character. give it to someone we dont expect, much like heath ledgers casting as the joker.

Alex, Pensacola (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 10:44 AM)

I don't see why the Penguin and the Riddler can't be every bit as dark and sinister as the Joker. People may be thinking of the Burgess Meredith and Frank Gorshen renditions from the camp TV show... but remember, the Joker was a pretty campy character in that version as well.

And similarly, I think it's a mistake to assume Depp's Riddler would just be Capt. Jack Sparrow in a question-mark T-shirt. (Not for nothin', but Depp as Jack Sparrow seemed like a Bad Idea[tm], too, 'til people actually saw the movies.) Depp is particularly gifted and versatile actor, and I have no doubt he'd be fascinating as the Riddler. And, of course, Hoffman can do anything.

I understand the trepidation regarding remakes of and sequels to great films... but at least they're starting from the basis of a great idea. To me, the term Bad Idea Cinema is really more applicable to movies based on obviously shallow, mindless premises... like the recent Eddie Murphy vehicle, Step Brothers, the forthcoming Tropic Thunder... these are movies that have stupid written all over them, from the first trailer you see.

Bill Dauphin, Vernon, CT (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 10:49 AM)

What's with a Wolverine movie coming out before another X-Men! He already has enough screen-time in the movies as it is. Now I gotta watch him on screen all the time and pray for glimpses of other characters.

L Buff, Columbia, SC (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 10:51 AM)

There's also the rumor that MTV wants to remake the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  WHY!!!!!!!!!! The remakes need to stop. Doesn't hollywood have any good original ideas anymore.  

Joey, pennsylvania (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 10:53 AM)

Chris Nolan is way smarter than that.  He's revamped Batman into a truer reflection of the comic.  Don't go camp.  DON'T Schumacher the Bat! :)  

KendallJaye (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 11:08 AM)

Quality and originality are concepts completely lost on Hollywood today, and they have been for some time.  Re-making a classic with poor acting and today's special effects is not originality, it is just a sad travesty. No one cares if movies are any good any more, only that they make money.  As long as people are stupid enough to pay good money to see bad films, we will continue to have bad films.

Bruce, NH (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 11:10 AM)

I have no problem with Batman sequels as long as they are captivating and well made but the world does not need Austin Powers 4.  Would the trailor just be Mike Meyers floating in a toilet bowl at this point?  He has digressed into such ridiculous, 3rd grade poop and fart humor, I have a hard time believing that anyone would pay to see that.  Oh wait, I guess it would be the same people that pay to see Larry the Cable Guy movies.  I forgot they keep making those gems as well!

Scout Omaha, Nebraska (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 11:12 AM)

Don't worry John, I read that the story about another Top Gun movie was all rumors.  Cruise has said that even if they were to do a remake, he would not participate.  Probably better off that we remember him for something that was actually good.

Leslie, Nashua, NH (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 11:13 AM)

I disagree with Alex that the Riddler is the best bet.  Chris Nolan needs to stick with the Darker Bat and pull something like Man-Bat or Hush out of his pocket.  We got a glimpse of Mr. Zsaz in Batman Begins.  Why not bring him around?  There are a ton of villains to choose from.  Give the fans something new.

KendallJaye (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 11:20 AM)

I don't know why there are all the new Batman sequel rumors running around, because I don't even think Nolan's sure about making a third movie, much less has a story, script, and treatment ready.  It'll be years before it happens IF he decides to go ahead.
I wish the "_____ Movie" trend would go away (Date Movie, Epic Movie, Scary Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans... etc.).  They advertise themselves as parodies, but end up being witless, inane exercises on pop-culture knowledge.  Face it, guys, you're never going to measure up to Airplane! and it's pretty pathetic that you keep trying.

Or maybe it's more pathetic that people actually see them.

Patsy (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 11:31 AM)

The fact that they're making an eighth Harry Potter movie made me cringe. It's not that the movies aren't enjoyable, it's just such a blatantly opportunistic move. It also stalls the careers of the young actors involved regardless of how many nights they get naked on the Broadway stage (in a revival, of course!). Surely someone out there can create original films and plays worthy of decent actors and an intelligent public?!

Marie (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 12:11 PM)

Probably the saddest rumor I heard was that Madonna wanted to remake Casablanca.

If that happens, just wait for something along the lines of Uwe Boll's The Maltese Falcon, or Quentin Tarantino Presents The Sound of Music.

It's the end of the classics as we know it.

Donna, Owensboro, KY (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 12:12 PM)

I've been thinking the same thing for years.  Retreads and remakes only appeal to our sense of nostalgia.  The lack of originality is tiring and the plots are predictable.  That is why when something new comes along that defies predictability, it makes a huge splash.  Enough already with the Star Wars, Rocky and Indiana Jones movies!  Geez!  Maybe they need to listen to the up and coming screenwriters who have the ability to think beyond the same old tired stories.

marilyn (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 12:26 PM)

Actually,  it's because Book 7 is being split into two films that there will be a total of 8 Harry Potter films.

Unless they're also making one of either Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them, Quidditch Through The Ages, The Tales of Beedle the Bard...)  

Amy, Greensboro, NC (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 12:37 PM)

A big screen version of Alice in Wonderland, if done by Tim Burton, would be fantastic! I LOVED his remake of Willy Wonka, I wasn't a fan of the original growing up. I love his take on movies and I think his version of Alice would be so awesome.

Becky, St. Louis, MO (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 12:40 PM)

Do not remake Hitchcock.  Ever.

Wade, Virginia (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:00 PM)

And the movie industry blames online piracy for low revenue (nevermind Batman grossing a gazillion dollars in the past 2 weeks) - they need to take a hard look at the junk they're producing (as evidenced above) for the reason people aren't turning up to the theaters in droves.

robert, san antonio, TX (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:19 PM)

What's next....Adam Sandler as the Christ and Jack Black as Pontius Pilate in the remake of Jesus of Nazareth????

Nick, Youngstown OH (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:31 PM)

As it's all a wasteland, I don't watch TV or go to movies.  But that's just me.

Alan, Richland, WA (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:33 PM)

i have been telling my now grown children for many years , theres nothing new in hollywood , theres no talent in the film making or writing business, they give me a hard time and I flip out the originals of those super hits they seem to think the brillliant ones from the land of thebeautiful people are coming up with and then the dawn hits them right between the eyes, that dear in the headlights look falls ove r them and they realize those old farts makign these movies were dada age and then grew up and did remakes of all the old movies they loved as kids, so as I said to them I say to you, theres no new talent in hollywood or in writing scripts, its al been done before, too bad eh??

Duke, Surfside Beach, SC (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:36 PM)

Have heard rumors of a remake of LOGAN'S RUN, which was a 1976 big-budget sci-fi movie, basically the last dystopian epic to be made before STAR WARS came along and changed SF movies forever (for better or worse, depending on your viewpoint).  LOGAN'S RUN was not a great movie, but I'm very fond of it personally, and remaking it seems unnecessary at best, and blasphemous at worst (although I may be the only person who liked the film that much to begin with).

Many of these movies are proably being remade because of CG special effects.  Why take the time to build a set of a futuristic city, or do an elaborate special-effects makeup job, when you can do the same thing on a computer?  CG has also ruined animation, but that's another gripe of mine personally.

Brak Silverbone, Seattle, WA (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:39 PM)

I have to agree with most of the comments, except for the Harry Potter one. I am actually looking forward to those movies, as I thoroughly enjoyed the books.. In reference to The Birds, they tried a sequel, The Birds II, I think it went straight to video/dvd, I am not really sure, but it was on a cable station and I didnt watch it but saw the preview, it looked stupid.. I can't imagine remaking the Rocky Horror show though, and they really need to stop making movies out of old TV programs..

jerseygirl (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:39 PM)

I would much rather see an old movie re-released with new effects along the line of what Lucas did with the original Star Wars trilogy than outright remakes.  Some movies could use a little updating, like Ladyhawke.  Release that movie with new special effects and a decent score that actually fits the movie and it would be perfect.  

Jill (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:50 PM)

I heard that Guy Pearce was being considered for the role of the Riddler in a third Nolan-helmed Batman.  That sounds plausible and like a good idea, given Nolan's penchant for casting talented, somewhat off the mainstream radar.

Heidi, Austin, TX (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:54 PM)

I heard of a remake of the TDV show CHIPS. The announcement came that a movie studio had hired FEZ from "That 70's Show" to play Ponch. No script yet but a title and a star. I'm sure there will be Oscar buzz.

Mike, Richmond, VA (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:54 PM)

Tim Burton should not be alllowed to do to "Alice in Wonderland" what he did to "Sleepy Hollow." Someone please tie him to a chair until he becomes a babbling corpse. I agree that the Penguin and the Riddler are out of step with Nolan's take on Batman, and I'm so tired of Johnny "Quirky" Depp I could scream.  Besides, a very big hint about Catwoman is dropped in "The Dark Knight." And one fake death per movie is enough: Rachel Dawes will not resurrect as Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman.

Jung Klaarg, New York, NY (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 2:17 PM)

If movie studios are trying to capture the audience's nostalgia for a certain movie by remaking it, why not just re-release the original? Classics have been re-released all the time to great success, such as Disney animated films, ET, Gone With the Wind, Star Wars, etc. Even Hitchcock classics like Rear Window have made popular second runs recently, and Rocky Horror has to be the epitome of surviving multiple runs in the theatre. I think you could even charge half-price for a re-release and still have better profits than a remake.
I'm only 26, so there are a lot of classics out there I have yet to see. That's why I love the TV channels like AMC and TCM. Everything there is original.
The worst movie on the upcoming sequels list is Austin Powers. I was a fan of the original, but found each sequel to be worse than the first. Mike Myers is so embarrassing these days. Crawl into your hole of obscurity while you still can and give up, Mike!

Heather BR, Cville, VA (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 2:22 PM)

I think that the only original big-budget movies to come out lately are the Judd Apatow movies-Superbad, Pineapple Express, etc.  
It's cool with me, though.  I really enjoy those movies

Ben, Sioux City, IA (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 2:22 PM)

Penguin as shown in the current comics would work on-screen: he's basically a very suave (although somewhat short), well-dressed casino owner crime boss. That would work in the Nolan-verse Batman. The Riddler has no place in the series. Don't want to see the Dawes character come back, go with the Frank miller take on Catwoman, where she's a prostitute-turned-thief. Would love to see Harvey Dent return. Nolan spent too much time developing Two-Face to just write him off.

Skot Garrick, Columbia, SC (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 2:36 PM)

I'm one of the biggest Howard Stern fans around and I don't want to see his "Rock and Roll High School" remake. I just don't know how you can remake that movie. Of course, that's been said many times before but I think it's especially true with this movie. And so much about the music industry - concerts, radio, etc. - is different today that I don't think you could tell that story and set it in 2008.

As for another "Batman" movie. As a fan of both of Nolan's "Batman" movies I think he should quit while he's ahead. It would be difficult to top the greatness of those movies. I've heard some reviewers compare the two "Batman" movies to the first two Godfather movies. If you go by that comparison, remember what happened to "Godfather III"? Having said that, though, if anybody could make another decent "Batman" movie, it would be the creative team behind the first two.

Lori, Cleveland, OH (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 2:42 PM)

Marie:

"The fact that they're making an eighth Harry Potter movie made me cringe."

As Amy pointed out, they're not making an *extra* movie; they're splitting the final book into two films. No doubt there's some financial incentive to do so (movies *are* a for-profit enterprise, after all), but it's definitely the correct *artistic* choice: Cutting that book to fit into a single reasonable-length film would be a travesty (and an affront to Potter fans); putting the whole book into a single film would be an affront to moviegoers' butts!

"It also stalls the careers of the young actors involved regardless of how many nights they get naked on the Broadway stage (in a revival, of course!)."

Jeez, you make it sound like they're taking turns at Chippendales'! Daniel Radcliffe "gets naked" in a *Pulitzer Prize winning* play! Have you seen it? It's a great piece of drama, and not at all prurient or exploitative. And as for "in a revival, of course"... unlike cinema, live theater is ephemeral. Revivals are essential to maintaining the continuity of the artform, in a way that's not true of cinematic remakes. Will you trivialize the next production of Hamlet you hear about as "a revival, of course"?

But let's not be too quick to automatically diss cinematic remakes, either: Those Christopher Nolan Batman pictures everyone in this thread loves so much wouldn't exist if the movie business followed a strict "no remakes" policy, would they?

Bill Dauphin, Vernon, CT (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 3:26 PM)

Here are some up-coming winners:  2009 - Final Destination 4 (more fun ways to kill people, at least someone on the show is doing something original, sort of), Jurassic Park 4 (I love dino's, but come on), Dragonball Live Action even (Come on, that's even worse than The Smurfs...Maybe not).  2010 - Dune (been there, tried that, ruined it, move on), Beverly Hills Cop 4 (What is eddie gonna do now, put his cane in someone's tailpipe?), Toy Story 2 rereleased in 3D (Now this one is possibly a good idea, 3d with a fun story).  There are so many wonderful books out there, even great comics with enguaging story lines, why rehash junk when you can't think of something on your own, contact an author and use their stuff.

Kirk, Las Vegas, NV (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 3:44 PM)

I agree with a couple of others here who think a Tim Burton take on Alice in Wonderland would be amazing.  Given Burton's trippy, otherworldly vision and style, he is one of the only directors out there who could do it justice and make a movie worth seeing.

On the other hand, I am sick to death of every other TV show from the 60s and 70s being adapted for the silver screen.  Anybody remember the movie versions of Bewitched, Starsky & Hutch or Beverly Hillbillies??  Yeah, didn't think so.

Julie, Portland, OR (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 3:55 PM)

In my opinion, the only Hollywood writers worth the time of day are Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams - for anyone who's missed out on these fine writers and their fresh approaches to story telling, shame on you... Yes Whedon comes up with some strange names for his shows, but the content more than makes up for it. I watch other shows and just sigh because the dialogue is lame and boring, and the plots predictable. Abrams has crafted a fine story in Lost and I look forward to the rest of the seasons - and at least he has the decency to PLAN his show instead of depending on a decade of ratings and faltering story lines. (The same can be said of Whedon, except he keeps getting canceled by the morons at Fox...)

Ro, Hornell, NY (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 4:10 PM)

To Brak from Washington -- I freaking love Logan's Run -- I was just a kid at the time, but my dad took me to see it; I didn't remember much, but it stuck with me and I watched it later on cable. Also once saw a show about the background painting (a dying art with CGI) on how they made the "outside" look overgrown.  My friends do not get why I like it, but I do and a remake with CGI effects won't make it better!!

And I love the cheesiness of both Red Dawn and Valley Girl, but can't recreate those.  Ditto for Hitchcock movies.  

Alli, Cola, SC (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 4:22 PM)

I thought Gary Oldman and Heath Ledger were the best parts of The Dark Night, but the movie ended up being one overlong special effects display and even Ledger, as great as he was, ended being too much of a good thing. Stop making all these special effects sequels - boring! And I doubt Johnny Depp would be interested in this role - he's got a lot better lined up.

Jill Doe, Seattle WA (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 4:37 PM)

I heard this *awful* rumor that Michael Bay wants to remake "Rosemary's Baby". I can't think of anything worse.

Israel, Seattle, WA (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 4:45 PM)

I am holding out for Lucas to remake Phantom Menace, i.e., go back and use cutting-edge advances in script and plot technology to make the movie bearable.

At minimum, at least go back and erase Jar Jar Binks.  Or maybe take the most potentially interesting character (Darth Maul), and give him more than 2 lines.

Dan, Raleigh, NC (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 4:55 PM)

The rest, I'm not sure, but I can't wait to see Aronofsky's Robocop, but much more so Tim Burton's Alice. -THAT- has tremendous potential.

Greg, Phoenix (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 5:00 PM)

How about no more The Land Before Time movies?? I was totally hating these movies when I realized in the 2nd one "hey, they're all dinosaurs! They're gonna die anyway!"

KG, Twin Cities, MN (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 5:06 PM)

But there is always a newer audience for whom the remake is brand new!  And that is it --- as long as the "kids" won't see the older movie because to them it is dated, the big screen is pumped and primed for remakes of everything that has come before!

Rae Downing, Austin, Texas (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 5:08 PM)

Instead of remaking Good Movies, why not remake bad ones and make them better! Heaven knows there are plenty of them out there!

Deanna, Jacksonville, FL (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 5:10 PM)

And Oliver Stone wants to remake Citizen Kane?  Hubris redefined.

Progreso, Yucatan Mexico (Sent Tuesday, August 05, 2008 5:15 PM)



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