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Don't touch that dial: Test Pattern tunes into television, movie, music and pop culture links, as well as gossip and idle chat from around the Web.

Every week, msnbc.com entertainment producers Gael Fashingbauer Cooper, Denise Hazlick, Paige Newman, Kurt Schlosser and Anna Chan weigh in on topics ranging from TV commercials to movie hype to the latest celebrity blunder. We're not ashamed to admit our love for bad TV or reveal what's on our iPods, and invite you to join the conversation via your comments.



TV commercials that should be adults-only

Posted: Monday, June 29, 2009 6:00 AM by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper
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So before I dive into today's topic, I can't let Billy Mays' passing go without comment. Yes, I couldn't stand his commercials, which were named worst in last summer's contest. But by all accounts the man himself was a good guy who loved his family and he certainly found his niche in the work world. Yell a little today in his honor.

Speaking of bad ads, while almost anything goes these days on television, but should we viewers have to cringe during the commercials, too? Let's discuss the ads that really should be adults-only. And if this blog post lasts more than four hours, see a doctor.


If your annoyance with this ad lasts more than four hours ... well, it will.

We've harshed on him before, but he still deserves it: Who doesn't hate Bob, the creepy guy in the commercials for the "male-enhancement" product whose brand name I refuse to mention? On YouTube, I found what seemed to be a longer edition of the stupid "chubby Santa" ad that uses every single euphemism imaginable. ("A little more room in his sled?" "Sack full of pride?")

Interestingly, while hunting for the ad, I also found a news story reporting that Steven Warshak, the genius behind Smiling Bob, was sentenced to 20+ years in prison for fraud. Even his 75-year-old mother got two years. This happened more than a year ago. So WHY ARE THESE ADS STILL AIRING? Apparently, the product is still selling.


Quizno's talking oven ad burns viewers.

Quizno's is always making the news for their ads, ever since the bizarre sponge monkeys of a few years back. Now they have an ad featuring an oven -- yes, an oven -- speaking in a low voice to some hapless employee and telling him things like "put it in me, Scott," and "say it sexy," plus implying that Scott's been, uh, putting parts of Scott in the hot oven. (I can't believe I'm typing this. Blame Quizno's.)

There's suggestive to the point of being gross, like Quizno's, and then there's just stupid. The Castrol "think with your dipstick, Jimmy" ads are the latter. Scotland should sue over the buffoonish Scottish guy who runs around decking people.

Hi, I'm a prude, whatever, but this K-Y Yours + Mine ad, in which dumpy parents race to roll around under the covers before their "three beautiful kids" get home, bugs me almost more than stupid Smiling Bob. As if the ad itself isn't lewd and lame, something about the woman's voice and look especially annoys me. Are we supposed to identify with these people? And the black and white circus footage ... there are no words. I had to watch it multiple times for this post and I hate it even more now. I bet their kids aren't beautiful, either.

I know you'll have a lot to share about R-rated ads. Keep the comments PG-rated, please ... no need to fall to the advertisers' levels. I'm going to go scrub my brainpan now with a nice, cleansing viewing of "The Waltons."

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Comments

I agree with you on the K-Y ads...I will join the prude club with you if I need to, but they are embarrassing to watch.  Why do we need such detailed commercials to let us know what that product is for?

I do have to say that, while I don't really care for the dipstick commercials, I love the way they make mu hubby giggle like a little kid.  He loves them and watches them whenever they come on...So, maybe it's one of those commercials that would appeal more to the "dudes" out there?

Katie Spring, TX (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 11:03 AM)

The Red Bull commercial that takes place on a nude beach always creeps me out. The black bar over the cartoon man's...area...does not make it better.

erink, Minneapolis, MN (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 11:26 AM)

Smiling Bob's product and all his competitors really need to be dragged off the air.  I'm tired of having my kids exposed to.  Does it really need to air in between SpongeBob cartoons?

Dave (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 12:30 PM)

I hate hate hate the White Castle commercial with the person dressed up like a pig doing a striptease on stage.  Between the music, the costume, and the barbeque sauce that "seductively" floods over her, I hate it.

Meghan, New York (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 12:48 PM)

I agree Dave. There are many times when I've got to flip channels during commercials when my kids are watching.

If the FCC is really worried about cleaning up the airwaves, they should move these commercials to the middle of the night only, if they even allow them at all.

And people wonder why our society is going down the drain, it's because people are making money off these ads, so they don't worry about who it is affecting in any way.

Kip, Nebraska (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 12:55 PM)

Funny about that Quizno's oven ad- if the oven had a woman's voice and was asking the employee to "put it in me", would the reviewer still think this is "suggestive to the point of being gross"?  I doubt it.  I say the writer here (Gael Fashingbauer Cooper) is cringe-worthy and bordering on homophobic!  

Wayne Wheeler, Tucson, AZ (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:00 PM)

What happened to censorship?  Tampons, female masterbation, male enhancement, erectile dysfunction, etc. There has to be a limit to the times these are shown. We have become a society with minimal morals. Now that's some legacy to leave.

Tessa, Colorado (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:01 PM)

The one that made me giggle was the True North commercials that advertised a "truly unique nut snack."  I notice they've now been changed to just "snack" or something.  *snort*

Melissa, Grand Rapids, MI (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:01 PM)

male enhancement products should NOT be advertised on TV period, those are for the ad pages of magazine, and internet only. Plus I had read many of those are a scam. Don't we get enough of that stuff on the internet as it is??? the Quiznos ad is inappropriate, sex should not be used to sell subs, especially homoerotic sex, I think I just lost my appetite.

kayway, northern michigan (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:04 PM)

Well, I don't think there is any shame or wrong doing by showing the Red Bull nude beach commercial as nudism or naturism isnt meant to be something sexual and if people find it wrong then they obviously are insecure about there own bodies. people that practice Nudism or naturism don't care what anyone looks like. They just enjoy the freedom of not having to wear cloths and be strapped down to them like some corporate guinea pig. Man created cloths because they were ashamed of there bodies and wanted to cover them up. Now as far as smiling bob goes... I wanna deck that smile off his face. its just down right annoying. oh and have you seen the new trojan condom ad. I would call that an XXX commercial. I personally don't have a problem with it but since the 19th century(I think) people have become religious fanatics so much that anything to do with sex or related, even cursing, is a bad and evil thing and you can't do it on television or out in public or anywhere cause heaven forbid that a kid would see it. And oh no we can't let the kids see sex and hear cursing. I think its rediculous and stupid. But hey Its never gonna change cause people are just too much of religous freaks/fanatics! everything we do even in government is based on religion. Remember civil rights and slaves and segregation? All were based on religion! Isreal & Palestine war? based on religion. Terrorists? base themselves and there beliefs on religion. Hmm.. religion is the cause of sooo much evil in the world. I wonder if its actually any good!

Tyler, Phoenix, AZ (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:06 PM)

I wouldn't mind all of the above commercials taken off and while we're at it. . .take the feminine products off too.  All women know why we need it, what we need, and where to get it.  Hopefully we teach our daughters this information.  Shouldn't there be some mystery left between men and women?

Melissa (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:07 PM)

Blame the FCC for loosening up regulations over the years, esp. for how stations can show what commercials when and how often.

And the Quizno's ad would be just as creepy with a woman's voice in it. No homophobia here, just your overreaction and a very creepy ad, regardless. There are enough ads with misogyny and homophobia around for us to criticize without having to push the definition for this one.

David, Norman, OK (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:08 PM)

I agree on the ads you mentioned and would like to add one. Schick Quattro TrimStyle For Women.  OMG!  Could we be any less tasteful than to have women walking by bushes that are being magically trimmed as they walk past?  I literally cringe when that one comes on.  What idiot ad company thought that was a subtle, tasteful ad and what moron at Schick agreed with them?!?

Koreena, Florida (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:10 PM)

i agree. these commercials are completely inappropriate and i change the channel when they come on. I live in allegany county ny and they also have a commercial for a pizza place located in alfred ny, falls right into this category. opens with a girl and guy sitting on a couch and the girl says "im hungary" and of course the guys says "how about a nice sausage"...seriously, can it get any cornier????

Disgusted TV watcher, Friendship NY (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:12 PM)

The Quizno ad is creepy whether it was a man or woman's voice saying it.  A woman wouldn't say that in public unless it was a porno.  Tell me you want to explain that ad to your seven year old.  So I think Gael is right, not cringe-worthy.  

Julie (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:13 PM)

The sexual innuendo ads are gross, but the one that really makes me want to throw up are those "cute" cartoon bears with the pieces of toilet paper stuck to their furry butts. REALLY?! Using the threat of the dreaded dingle berries is now a good idea for selling toilet paper? EUW!!!!!!

Lori, York, Pa. (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:15 PM)

Tessa, seriously, you want to have a limit to the times tampon commercials are shown? What do tampons have to do with morals? This is why girls grow up ashamed of their periods. But hey, why stop there, how about commercials for Pepto, Immodium and Beano?

Melissa, Clifton, NJ (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:15 PM)

Seriously? Somebody has a problem with a tampon commercial airing? You cannot be serious.  
Even though most of them are annoying, what is the problem with ED commercials airing either?  Products that are FDA approved (not like enzyte which is just a fantasy pill) should have every right to pay for airing, just like any other product.  And tampons, well, that's just ignorant to complain about.
I told my now 7 year old daughter at least a year ago that Viagra was for guys who have a sickness with their penis.  What is so hard about that for some people to handle? Do you not have the ability to communicate with your children? Or is it that your kids don't have the intelligence to comprehend a normal discussion?
Grow up people.

Fsuga, Atlanta, GA (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:16 PM)

I totally agree with this article!  I am sick of trying to answer kids' questions after they see certain commercials and such...  tv has gone way too far.

Rene, Brockway, PA (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:18 PM)

I whole-heartedly agree with the Quizno's ads being downright uncomfortable, and not because the oven features a male voice as Wayne suggests.  It would be just as blush-inducing with a woman's voice.  Glad to see that they've shortened the ad and cleaned it up a little.

Elizabeth, Cleveland (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:18 PM)

Ok, sad to say, perhaps, but any ad I saw by Billy Mays had me automatically changing the channel as fast as I could. I absolutely loathed having him shouting at me to buy something.

As for smiling Bob...why would anyone want to buy something that would make them identify with him? I can't believe he can actually be successful at promoting a male enhancement product.

Regarding the dipstick commercial, I will have to admit, as a guy, I tend to crack a smile when I see that commercial myself.  Ask me to try and figure out why, and I can't give you an answer.

The one ad that creeps me out the most is Quizno's ...espeically when the male voice coming from the oven says to his male counterpart "We both enjoyed that...." when referring to having the oven cleaned or rubbed down in some manner. Honestly, that commercial has me steering clear of any Quizno's sandwich shop.

Rebel Gent, Catawba SC (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:19 PM)

Hey, Tessa . . . since when are tampons "lewd" or X-rated?  Just because it is a feminine sanitary product does NOT put it on par with Viagra or KY Jelly ads.

Jess, Westminster, CO (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:21 PM)

I cannot stand the new Schick (I believe it's the brand) bikini razor commercial where girls are walking past bushes that change to certian shapes like triangles and boxes. Ugh, I get it. I don't need a visual of what you're trying to sell. I was almost floored the first time I saw it and realized they were suggesting patterns for your private area. A little privacy please!

Whitney, Georgia (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:21 PM)

Burger King has a new sandwich with a terribly offensive ad campaign. A lady, in profile shot with her mouth wide open, is about to get the BK super seven incher in her mouth. The ad even says it will "BLOW" your mind away. Don't the geniuses behind this add realize she's about to bite and chew? Most men probably aren't thinking that far ahead. "New from BK, the best seven inches you'll ever have in your mouth!!!" See? Anyone can do it.  

KG, Twin Cities, MN (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:25 PM)

All of these ads which depend upon using sex to sell the product are merely doing what is assumed to be the right thing, which is to try to associate the 'product' with an image or activity which is presumed to be thought of as pleasant by the vast majority of potential customers.  By the way, I just love "Smiling Bob" ... not that I'd use his product.

Nunja Bidniz, Philadelphia, PA (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:28 PM)

Personally, I think most of the commericals listed here are funny.  God forbid a kid sees a commercial and asks his/her parents about sex.  What a tragedy!

I also resent that my TV viewing is held hostage by the breeding class of people.  I don't have children, so I shouldn't be forced to watch watered-down programming just so you people don't have to tell your kids how they got here.  Prudes indeed!

Sarah, IL (but NOT Chicago) (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:29 PM)

Try having your 5 year old ask in the middle of dinner "Mommy, what's genital herpes?"!! And I've tried my beat to shield my kids from the completely inappropriate ads that air all day long when the stations and advertisers know children are watching.

Sandra (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:29 PM)

I can't stand the commercial with the KY vibrator. I am extremely disturbed by the old woman eavesdropping on the 2 younger ladies talking about their discreet vibrators. To my horror, the old woman chimes in with how she has one too! I could have done without that mental image.

Heather, Little Rock, Arkansas (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:29 PM)

The quizno ad is creey but it makes me think of 2001: a space oddaseay (sorry can't spell). As for bob just shoot him. how annoying really as if spam mail isn't enough

rachelle (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:30 PM)

Smiling Bob AND the desperate women in the same commercial.  I feel like I need a scrub down in the shower after watching that. Ewww.

Kayke, Raleigh, NC (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:30 PM)

I am totally against all of these ads for KY, Viagra, it's amazing how much a child tunes in to when you don't think they are paying attention. I've learned first hand from my 6 year old that is always asking what, how, why . . . But I guess before banning commercials, we need to figure out how four and five letter words are now appropriate to air during movies on Sunday afternoon on regular tv channels. Even the religious GD and JC are okay to say without being bleeped or voiced over. And we wonder why our society has become what it is.

Censorship 101, Newnan, GA (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:32 PM)

I must add the commercials for Carl's Jr......HATE HATE HATE them! Not only do I change the channel, I refuse to ever buy a burger from them.
The K-Y commercials are just embarassing. Also the one new one for Schick and the new Klondik ads.

Leslie, Denver, Co (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:33 PM)

If you kids understand it, who's fault is it?!

alix777 (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:34 PM)

Well, between the male enhancment ads, victoria's dirty secrets, guess porn and seductive quizno's ads, I am shopping at Walmart.....this is sick TV folks!  I sure don't want to see it, let alone have my children see it.  I won't eat at Quizno's anymore, I won't shop at Victoria's Secret anymore, and I refuse to watch any show that is sponsored by the rest of the "soft" core porn.  It is no wonder crime in this country is so high, people are saturated with trash!  What happened to the funny, attention-getters that actually drew people to purchase a quality product?  Stupid is as Stupid does!

Marilyn, Memphis, TN (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:34 PM)

To Sarah, IL - You're right, you do not have children so can not relate.  I believe you grew up with watered-down programming but you turned out okay, or did you?

Censorship 101, Newnan, GA (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:34 PM)

The ad that I immediately thought of for this topic is the AXE body wash commercial. Whoa! I don't really pay attention to the times that those ads air, but I certainly hope it's late at night.

Catherine (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:35 PM)

it seems to me that with the invention of the v chip we could set a level that would cover both the shows and the ads in them.  hey that way we could create some new jobs to rate them.  thats more than this admistration has come up with.

troy lima, ohio (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:35 PM)

And here's another one for you..The Danika Patrick commercials (I forget the product).  First there's the one with the crew in drag, not too bad but then this weekend they aried one where men with over-endowed breasts (man-boobs) some up to her and squeeze them together for her to sign.  If it were women it would be banned.

JC Earley, Colorado Springs, Colorado (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:35 PM)

Educate your children. It is not difficult. None of these things rare so taboo that they can't be discussed if asked about. Remember, YOU ARE THE ADULT. You should be able to handle these conversations and provide education to your children. Grow up an fulfill the responsibility you accepted by choosing to become parents.
And btw, the bikini shaving commercial has some funny ideas in it if you look at the shapes. Though I believe most men prefer a look that resembles the sidewalk.

Voice Of Reason, Destin, Florida (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:38 PM)

Wow some serious judeo-christan sexual repression going on here. Sex is natural people, it is normal.

"What about the children" crowd nbeed to understand that you "little babies" are natural animals just like the rest of us and trying to seclude/sheleter them from true human nature will only increase their curiosity about what they do find out.
It is like a stud I once read about some kids were given free access to candy and some kept completely away from it. the they let the groups alone w/ the candy and the group that was allowed candy barely ate any but the group that weren't allowed gobbled it all down till they got sick.

Brian , PA (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:38 PM)

The worst commercial in my opinion is the Burger King commercial promoting Spongebob meals with a take on the Sir Mix-A-Lot song "Baby Got Back." Should dancing, square rears really be used to sell kids' meals to our youngest children? I don't think so. Especially with the phrase "seal the deal" included.

Elizabeth, Ann Arbor, MI (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:38 PM)

These commercials are bad enough but the adds that imphjisize what what you are already watching is the most stupid. I know I am watching channel 5 news as a matter of fact it just happens to be on while the commercial airs. I know I am watching CSI I am sure of what is comming on next especuially since I am already there. I have gotten used to watching 15 minutes of a 30 minute program, so al least give us commercials that have some since of taste nad intellegence. Most of the stuff that intertains a 5 year old does little ofr me.

Ron, Sanford, NC (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:39 PM)

I am not a fan of the male enhancement ads. Who would go near that man with the permanent grin on his face? It's bizzare. How uncomfortable watching that with your 83 year old mother?  And can someone explain to me what 2 people in separate bathtubs does for you?  I don't get the Cialis commercials and that's their logo on the bottom of the ad.  Are we supposed to imagine them ending up in the same tub? Am I naive?

Shuddering in Albany, NY (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:41 PM)

Remember that each commercial started life by being pitched to a room of suits. Can you imagine who in the world thought that some of these ads were good ideas when spoken aloud? "Ok,Ok yeah - imagine this - there will be a dog - oh this is funny - that will drag his BUTT across the carpet while this cute kid yells - HE'S DOING IT AGAIN - WOW!"  Or something like that. For every STUPID and lame commerical there is a room full of executive suits that thought it was JUST GREAT!

Andre Dallau (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:45 PM)

Tyler ... our country allows free speech, but I can't say that I agree with you. Several of the Red Bull commercials are mildly inappropriate (the study partner and nudist come to mind) for younger audiences. It has nothing to do with Nudists or naturalism as you put it. As for cusing and sex ... that is obviously up to the parents, but I'm not sure that I agree with a 4 year old listening to cuss words so they can turn around and use them ... again up to the parents to fix the behavior then.

Smiling Bob drives me crazy because it is on ALL OF THE TIME.

Quiznos is creepy be it male or female voice.

There's an adage that it used "Sex sells". This is still true which is why companies still use it ... That doesn't mean I agree with it.

Curt, NC (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:46 PM)

Any male enhancement add is completely disturbing, I have said it before and really believe it, that is a man has this issue he should discuss it with his physician, I dont need ten million commercials to remind me that there is something out there to help.. Any femine hygiene product can go to.. We were given all this information in Health Class when we were hitting puberty, and when my friends and I get together, we aren't discussing birth control methods, tampons or maxi pads. They are insulting and unneccessary.  Now onto the creepy Quizno's add, I thankfully can say i never saw the monkey commercial, nor do I want to, but the "put it in me Scott" one, EEEWWWWWW!!!! what moron actually thought this was a good idea.  Billy Mays may have been annoying screaming at you to buy his products which whatever you know who he is now, but at least he wasnt insulting your intelligence his commercials were just irritating. In my opinion the way Smiling Bob walks around he looks a few puppies short of a pet shop... which in itself is creepy and then you see what the commericial is for.  ICK

jrzygrl (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:47 PM)

Smiling Bob needs his face punched in...Quiznos ad made me retch. Tyler from Phoenix - clothes were a manmade creation for WARMTH not modesty. Many tribal communities worlwide don't wear clothes because they don't need them. Your characterization is from a religious standpoint that you so vociferously seem to oppose.

Lord of the Flies, Washington, DC (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:47 PM)

Now that I covered the moralizing. Yes most of these commercials suck. The smiling bob ones are rather trite but if your trying to sell male "enhacment" well you just can't come out and say "It makes your !@#$ bigger" so you have to use innuendo.  
For those saying they shouldn't be allowed to air them, bugger off. Last I checked this is a capitalist free speach counrty called America.

As for the K-Y ads Yeah the circus scene sucks which kills the ads appeal but it is memorable.
don't like it?  Go to your church and pray instead of watching TV, or volunteer for a charity instead of living in a fantasy land where people don't have sex and sex doesn't sell. SEX is the driving factor of our lives not accepting that fact is silly.

Brian , PA (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:48 PM)

I've come to the conclusion that all these obnoxious ads are from agencies that deliberately hire obnoxious people.

Personally, I'm never far away from the Mute button, and as soon as Smilin' Bob and/or Billy Mays comes on, I hit it. I wonder if other (non-offending) advertisers are aware that their own commercials are riding out thousands of Mute buttons thanx to an ad that precedes theirs.

MJ Staley, Tombstone, AZ (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:49 PM)

Funny comments on this topic: However, those who defend tampon ads have never been asked by their 8yr old son what "leakage" means! LOL  

As to gross ads, my anti-favorite is the personal shaver ad where the bushes changes shape to presumable match the shape of the women's "bushes" walking past the shrubbery.  I have to say, looking at some of the shrubbery, a lot of those women have too much time on their hands.  

as to the penic enhancement ads, I can't listen to the radio with my kids in the car anymore b/c those products are apparently the only one's with money for radio ads!  

JCR (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:50 PM)



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