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Don't touch that dial: Test Pattern tunes into television, movie, music and pop culture links, as well as gossip and idle chat from around the Web.

Every week, msnbc.com entertainment producers Gael Fashingbauer Cooper, Denise Hazlick, Paige Newman, Kurt Schlosser and Anna Chan weigh in on topics ranging from TV commercials to movie hype to the latest celebrity blunder. We're not ashamed to admit our love for bad TV or reveal what's on our iPods, and invite you to join the conversation via your comments.



TV commercials that should be adults-only

Posted: Monday, June 29, 2009 6:00 AM by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper
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So before I dive into today's topic, I can't let Billy Mays' passing go without comment. Yes, I couldn't stand his commercials, which were named worst in last summer's contest. But by all accounts the man himself was a good guy who loved his family and he certainly found his niche in the work world. Yell a little today in his honor.

Speaking of bad ads, while almost anything goes these days on television, but should we viewers have to cringe during the commercials, too? Let's discuss the ads that really should be adults-only. And if this blog post lasts more than four hours, see a doctor.


If your annoyance with this ad lasts more than four hours ... well, it will.

We've harshed on him before, but he still deserves it: Who doesn't hate Bob, the creepy guy in the commercials for the "male-enhancement" product whose brand name I refuse to mention? On YouTube, I found what seemed to be a longer edition of the stupid "chubby Santa" ad that uses every single euphemism imaginable. ("A little more room in his sled?" "Sack full of pride?")

Interestingly, while hunting for the ad, I also found a news story reporting that Steven Warshak, the genius behind Smiling Bob, was sentenced to 20+ years in prison for fraud. Even his 75-year-old mother got two years. This happened more than a year ago. So WHY ARE THESE ADS STILL AIRING? Apparently, the product is still selling.


Quizno's talking oven ad burns viewers.

Quizno's is always making the news for their ads, ever since the bizarre sponge monkeys of a few years back. Now they have an ad featuring an oven -- yes, an oven -- speaking in a low voice to some hapless employee and telling him things like "put it in me, Scott," and "say it sexy," plus implying that Scott's been, uh, putting parts of Scott in the hot oven. (I can't believe I'm typing this. Blame Quizno's.)

There's suggestive to the point of being gross, like Quizno's, and then there's just stupid. The Castrol "think with your dipstick, Jimmy" ads are the latter. Scotland should sue over the buffoonish Scottish guy who runs around decking people.

Hi, I'm a prude, whatever, but this K-Y Yours + Mine ad, in which dumpy parents race to roll around under the covers before their "three beautiful kids" get home, bugs me almost more than stupid Smiling Bob. As if the ad itself isn't lewd and lame, something about the woman's voice and look especially annoys me. Are we supposed to identify with these people? And the black and white circus footage ... there are no words. I had to watch it multiple times for this post and I hate it even more now. I bet their kids aren't beautiful, either.

I know you'll have a lot to share about R-rated ads. Keep the comments PG-rated, please ... no need to fall to the advertisers' levels. I'm going to go scrub my brainpan now with a nice, cleansing viewing of "The Waltons."

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Comments

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a prude in any way, shape, or form - but I have to say these commercials have gone beyond the ridiculous.  Is it really necessary to advertise these kinds of things, and so frequently, on television?  Some of them deliberately play on the shock factor.  We are adults (many of us at baby boomer age) not teenagers.  Though not prudish, I have gained some decorum over the years and understand when something is appropriate and when it is inappropriate.  Advertising these products to an open audience is inappropriate. Not to mention demeaning adult intellect.
the Mime doing the Trojan Ad is disturbing!
If you don't like it, change the channel.  Simple.
oh the new Red bull. The Kid gives pigs Red Bull and then asks his mom if he can go to the Gentlemans Club and she says when Pigs fly!
I have a real problem, not just with lewd commercials, but just when they show commercials that are not appropriate to the age-group viewing the show.  For example, the other day my pre-schoolers were watching "Happy Feet" - and a violent commercial for the new "Transformers" movie came on.  I had to quickly grab the remote.  Seriously - who thought airing a violent commercial during a children's show was a good idea?
These ads do work for me.  I make it a point to memorize the manufacturer of each one I despise, so I will never, ever, buy any of their products.  I also make it a point to recommend to my friends and acquaintaces not to do so.  For example, ever since the sponge monkey ads, I have never eaten in a Quiznos, nor will I ever, and I recommend to all and sundry that they do not, either.  I'm sure there are others who also remember such brands...with the same consequences for the advertisers.
Sorry Wayne, I disagree, it isnt homophobic, that Quiznos commercial is disturbing no matter male or female voice coming from the creepy oven...
"Try having your 5 year old ask in the middle of dinner "Mommy, what's genital herpes?"!!"

It's a virus or a sickness some people get in their private areas.....

Easy enough
I am a female, and I think the dipstick commercials are hilarious!  I stop to watch them everytime. Come on people get a sense of humor already.  
the "bob" commericals are the grossest things that I can think of on TV.  My 4 grandsons just look like"what the heck is that all about?"  I try to get to the remote as fast as possible!!  Talk about poor taste!
The pig strip tease makes me nauseated. For some reason, what they call barbeque sauce reminds me of the blood of the pig. Ugh! I think it's more obscene than the K-Y ads (maybe!!)
The commercial that creeps me out is the French's Spicy Brown Mustard commercial where the "Mustard couple" are on the beach and the "girl" mustard sees the Spicy Brown Mustard bottle running on the beach.  So not necessary!
Oh man, get over it already.  I suppose all you who hate these commercials would like the underwear section in stores to be in a closed off area so kids can't see those lacy tid-bits?  Do you really think your kids understand why Smilin' Bob is smilin?  If they do then you have bigger problems then a few silly commercials.  While I will admit that some are a little over the top for what they are selling (I havent seen that BK 7 inches one but it sounds crazy), most are harmless and fun.  For instance, the Schick lady trimmer is hilarious and so is the Dipstick commercial.
The one thing that I hate about "Smilin' Bob" is that his darn thing song gets stuck in my head for an hour or so.
Actually, that would be "THEME" song. Freudian slip there.
What really is disturbing is that every ad has the adult male the slow one, the dummy that needs to be corrected or the buffon that does the poor job and is clueless that he is so lame. The women are always the ones that have to pick up the pieces, correct their husband or if (in rare occasions) if he makes the right choice, has to validate his opinion in order to make the family decision. Just keep that in mind when you wonder watch TV. The adult male is the new "Stepin Fechit" of netwrok broadcasting. Most crime shows are "bad white guy of the week"; the criminal women were turned to crime against their better judgement because of a bad man. Just observe with that in mind and see what you see.
After reading these comments, I can't believe all of these people are living in America!!

Wait, maybe I can. Everyone here seems to favor censorship!  I know, we can have television like in Iran.  Lock up our reporters, let the government run the television stations, remove everything that offends anyone (isn't that the goal of the FCC?). Then when it all over, we can sit and watch nothing but snow on our televisions.  

Wait a minute, wasn't there a comment from someone who was offended by snow, too?
the quizno's ad is super creepy.  someone mentioned the idea of a girl being less gross, but i think it would be far worse.  the guy makes it kinda funny, but if it were a girl, i would find it pretty "porno-lite".  
another one that weirds me out is the red-bull ad where the kid asks his mom to go to a "gentlemens club" and the mom says "when pigs fly", etc.. the kid in that ad (granted its a cartoon) looks under 10.  since when does a kid under 10 know what a strip club is or have any desire to go to one?  aren't girls still gross at 10?  creepy.  
as for billy mays, he will be missed.  his commercials drove me crazy, but he seemed to be a really nice guy. rest in peace mr mays.
Here's a thought - if you don't like what's on TV, turn it off.  Read a book.  Play a card game.  Go for a walk.  To handstands against the wall.  Kick a soccer ball around.  Throw a frisbee.  Paint a picture.  

Do you *really* need to live and die with what's on TV?
I would just like to point out that while I certainly don't endorse these commercials being shown on channels or time slots that involve what may be considered 'children's programming'; it was interesting to read through all of the comments to see that ONLY ONE PERSON (out of 30+)ACTUALLY TOOK IT UPON THEMSELVES TO JUST CHANGE THE CHANNEL instead of sitting there watching a commercial they don't approve of.

I'm sure that some people simply didn't mention having changed the channel, but the reactions I'm reading are very similar to FCC reports regarding radio content that people find objectionable in that they actually DON'T turn it off and instead keep listening...to things they don't approve of and find offensive.

Not for nothing, but everyone complaining about this should look into scraping together some $$$ for a DVR/TiVO or maybe consider just changing the channel the next time you find yourself offended by what's being shown on your television. In fact, just throw your TV out on the curb and read books from now on b/c the rest of us shouldn't be punished just b/c YOU had children or b/c YOU don't agree with something being shown on television.

I hate these ad's just as much as the next person and I would certainly never subject my child to any of them, but you can't just remove them without losing other liberties in the process and eventually you get a snowball effect with other things we take for granted. I'd like to be more pleasant about this but I find peoples general sense of entitlement to be simply overwhelming and at times; rage inducing. In closing, I'd like to remind all of you as to just how insignificant you really are:

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.  You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile.  -Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

 
Most of the commercials on air nowadays are cringeworthy.

Get rid of the enhancement commercials (no matter who they are for) and enough of the inuendo in commercials. If your product isn't good enough to sell on it's on merits, then take it back to the shop and fix it. The femine hygene commercials are no big deal. Easily explained away with an impromptu biology class.

Thankfully someone invented the DVR and now I can, mostly, zoom right past them and get back to my show. I just have to wait until the shows are over before watching them.
How about you people be adults and act like a true parent and talk to your kids about life instead of trying to shield them from it?  Life would be so much better for everyone...
It's funny how uptight people (especially in the U.S.) are.  The Quiznos ad is hilarious and all of you people need to RELAX!  None of these ads are going to change the world or make someone a bad person or cause them to do bad things.  You all just need to lighten and laugh a little.  Life is short and you'll be dead before you know it....so maybe you should enjoy life and not take yourselves, or commercials too serious.  :P

Live, love, laugh people!  :)

Stealing this from a comedian -- "Viagra, Levitra and Cialis:  not curing cancer for the last 15 years!"  I'm against prescription medication advertisements of any kind, for the simple fact that the cost of the advertisements run up the retail price of the meds.  How sad is it that an injectable medication I use for a chronic, controllable condition costs $2,700 a month without insurance?  That I have a three-figure copay each month?  Yes, the drug company put me in their copay assistance program, but couldn't the $90 million they spent advertising the stuff last year  have been better put to use doing things like, you know, making your medication more available to the people who need it?

I cringe when ads for feminine hygiene products come on, as well as male enhancement and the toilet paper ads that show the baby bear squatting behind a tree.  Really?  We've come to this?  Apparently, the answer is yes, we have.  Mr. Whiffle, we miss you.
Whether any of the ads are inappropriate or not will not make a difference. Cigarette companies had cartoon ads taken off the air because it catered to children. What a bunch of hypocritical nonsense that turned out to be. Corporations show their ads when they want and during whatever programming they want because they want to sell to as early an age as possible. Male enhancement, what happened to erectile dysfunction, that won't sell to kids but saying you will make it bigger, teenage boys will jump in line or at least figure out a way to get it.
Corporate America is corrupting your kids. That is as plain as it gets.
As for the yo-yo that had to put a religious slant on all of this, I get embarrassed when one of these commercials come on and there are kids in the room especially if the kids appear to be watching a little to closely. I am far from a religious man but I do have some common sense when it comes to children.
It's amazing how a show like Southpark could only be shown 10pm or later but I can see The Family Guy on at 5:30 or 6 in the evening. Prime viewing for the kids on a bad weather day.
Turning on the parental controls is time consuming put worth while the trouble is I am not going to ban the kids from watching a ballgame and this is where some of the biggest commercial travesties are shown. You also don't have parental controls for commercials.
Smiling Bob, The Quizno's kid and even learning that I could make millions working from home because two women with a foot and a half of cleavage tell me so, really need to be regulated. Keep the adult ads in adult material. I guess it doesn't translate well to Playboy because it needs sound to go with the pictures.
Smilin' Bob looks like someone I would avoid at all costs.
Quizznos is just plain creepy all around, male or female voice.
Most of the others are just annoying or insulting.  I have to be honest, I didn't even notice the bush trimming, but eww!
Yeah, I would rather not have my kids see some of these, and I would like to keep them innocent for just a while longer; however, I'm not naive enough to think that they don't hear things like this at school.  I don't like it, but I can't lock them in their rooms until they're 35.  They usually don't pay attention to commercials much anyway unless they're hocking some new game, toy or electronic device.  Since sex sells, these commercials aren't going anywhere as long as people continue to buy the products, so if a commercial for something offends me, I simply stop buying from that company.  Hardees lost my business when they aired the Paris Hilton commercial.  EWWWWWW!!!!!!!
Personally, I have always gotten a kick out of Smilin' Bob.  He's so over the top and corny.

Sex is so prevalent in print ads, too.  I teach 6th graders and had them do a project with ads in Time and People.  Thought those magazines would be safe enough, until I heard a girl making vibrator noises.  Her group had found an ad for KY his and hers that has pink and purple containers shaped like, well, vibrators.  I had to walk a careful line about how the ad *didn't* advertise what she thought, but NO, I'm not about to explain what the product actually is.  Ask your parents.
Nudist camp Red Bull ads - WHAT is there a different use for Red Bull?  Whatever is going on behind that black bar, they sure make it sound like its for "male enhancement" too. Cialis - the people in the bathtub, it's a regular joke around my house how my husband and I need to get two separate bathtubs to get romantic!  Male enhancement and Bob - bizarre - if a woman is that thrilled with her man, why does THE WHOLE TOWN KNOW?  Is that pressing your luck?  
In my opinion, the ads have done what the companies wanted them to!! Everyone is talking about it and this is all free advertisement. Whether or not you will actually use the products is up to you but everytime you see the name or hear of a topic similar to this, the first thing you will do is think about it!!
@ Wayne Wheeler of Tuscon who said:"Funny about that Quizno's oven ad- if the oven had a woman's voice and was asking the employee to "put it in me", would the reviewer still think this is "suggestive to the point of being gross"?  "

Absolutely! I don't want insinuation about my sandwich being in any orifice but in my mouth, thankyouverymuch
I totally agree with this article!  I am sick of trying to answer kids' questions after they see certain commercials and such...  tv has gone way too far.

Rene, Brockway, PA (Sent Monday, June 29, 2009 1:18 PM)
-------------------------------------------------------
Well here's an idea - turn off the TV. Get the kids to play games and do something other than watching the idiot box!
If these commercials bother you that much, either block the channels that air them or turn off of the TV.

It's not the media's job to raise your children.  It's yours.
What bothers me most about the smiling Bob ad is that the product does nothing for a man and has been proven to be fraudulent.  Yet unknowing men continue to be ripped off.  TV stations are making big bucks selling ad time to this garbage.  I have to wonder - if it was a fraudulent product being sold to women, would it still be on the air?
So many people are freaked out over the Enzyte/Viagra/Cialis ads, but if the male gender construct stopped touting the idea that penis size directly correlates to masculinity, we wouldn't have them.  If we weren't so obsessed with body parts--negatively or positively--we wouldn't be bombarded with ads to "enhance them."

But we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies.  Seriously, banning tampon ads?  It's hard enough being a teenage girl, now thinking that a natural bodily function is so horrible that products for it can't be advertised is such a detriment.  It will also convince boys that women are disgusting.  (I'm so lucky to have a boyfriend who not only buys emergency tampons but takes me to the gynecologist--he is wonderful!)  Women are people, and we all deal with the same issues.

For me, I am upset with advertising companies not for sexualizing ads but for using women as objects to sell products.  Sex happens, the more the better, but it does men such a disservice to assume that they are all so stupid they will buy Axe, fast food, Castrol, liquor, and anything else if it will make them more attractive to women.  Believe me: a guy stinking of cheap body wash scarfing down greasy burgers is anything BUT sexy!
Hate to say it, but ... Smiling Bob makes me laugh myself silly. The whole premise of the ads is goofy, especially the retro look. But I'm also glad the perpetrator of the advertised product got jail time. A good chuckle doesn't forgive out-and-out fraud.

I also agree whole-heartedly with Elizabeth from Cleveland -- those Quizno oven commercials would be equally horrid with a woman's voice.

And, lastly, this is one of the reasons why my kids don't watch tv. I don't mind them knowing about sex or tampons or anything else. But I'd like them to learn about it on my husband's and my terms when we think it's appropriate. There's a difference between educated about sex/reproductive issues and being inundated with inappropriate messages/images.

P.S. I'm in favor of gay marriage and don't have a stinkin' problem with what (or who) adults do on their own time in private (or even in deserted aisleways of the local big-box store). So spare me the repressed label.  
I hate any drug commercial.  Let the Drs. decide what we need to take...no wonder we are a nation of druggies. The side effects sound worse than the illness!
It bothers me that these ads pop up in the middle of otherwise family friendly viewing. We have young teens, and frequently watch classic movies and sci-fi together. Right in the middle, here comes Viva V*** and ol' Bob. The Quiznos commerical popped up one night, too, and unfortunately the long version was accidentally shown instead of the short "sanitized" version that is still gag-worthy to me.

I feel like there are electronic predators out there, trying really hard to crap on my living room carpet. Urk.
I'm very surprised people here are so opposed to these comercials.  Isn't the way we vote for these comercials with our wallets?  Seems to me if KY didn't sell their product they would advertise, and the same for all the other products aswell.  Our advertising here in the US is much more conservative than it is in Canada and Europe.  I think we need to appreciate the levity the comercials provide.  As for explaining things to our kids, better tell them sooner rather than later.  Would you rather explain it to them or their friends?  Not to mention kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.
If you don't want kids to see the ads listed, then how about not letting them watch TV all day long.  
Simple solution: a DVR. One other poster mentioned the mute button, which would work like a charm for someone without a DVR. Networks are wasting their ad dollars on me; nobody in our family watches them.

Problem solved.
Some of the ads discussed above make me a little uncomfortable.  It would be better if such ads appeared only on cable channels, and only after 9 pm local time.

One "suggestive" ad that really makes my laugh, however, is the Arby's ad where the wife or girlfriend comes out dressed as an Arby's employee and holding a tray of the restaurant's food.  "Me likey!"  Very funny IMO.
What's amazing to me is that people jump to censorship before taking the first and perfectly obvious step of turning off the TV. If your kids are seeing too many questionable ads, they're watching too much TV. Be the parent, take responsibility, and use the "off" switch.
i am getting a definite "homophobe" vibe from peoples critique of the quizno ad. lewd? maybe yeah, but to tag on the fact that it's a male voice that makes it worse is more disturbing to me. staight people are not the only consumers out here.
Hey guys and gals just do what I do when commericals come on...hit the MUTE button. Works wonderfully. Seriously. Not being sarcastic. They can bombard me with their ads but they can't make me listen to them if I don't want to! So again, hit the mute button! I'm especially sick and tired of that annoying Geico insurance chick among others. Again, M-U-T-E works like a charm.  
I agree with the 'think with your dipstick' criticism. It isn't ok to discriminate against blacks, gays, etc, but if you make fun of the Scottish it's ok? I have a big problem with that!!
The extenz commercial is about as tasteless as it gets. Here they present us an assumably married mature couple giving an "interview" about this "male-enhancement" product. This is the same type product that has been marketed in the back of girly books and other sleazey publications for decades, only now, they feel that either societal standards have sunk low enough for them to do bussiness in the light of day, or they think they're validating their product by using the "interview" format.    
I am by no means a prude but I would rather explain things to my son when I think it's time, not because it's being rammed down his throat by the ad industry. But I also have the right to limit the amount of t.v. he watches, which I do.  Unfortunately between my 13-year-old son and my husband, the majority of what gets viewed is on the sports channels, which are probably the worst offenders (I swear Cialis must own the Golf Channel!). I don't pay much attention to the commercials but I did see the Santa Bob one the other day and although I was laughing I couldn't believe they got away with putting that on the air.  
Yeah, what is up with all the Rx ads these days. As if it's not bad enough that they seem to be exceeding the # of auto ads, they are also excessive in length! Drug companies are out of control IMO.
The solution here is simple - if you don't like the ads and don't want your children seeing them - turn off the TV.  Nobody has a gun to your head making you and your family watch.
*giggles thinking of the dipstick* that's hilarious. I don't think they should be adults only. how do we enforce that other then airing them during adult viewing hours and shows? which I think they do since its their target audience. I've never seen creepy bob between kids and I watch a lot of them.

I don't think quiznoes and dipstick really have to be aired for adults only. the kids who are too young to get it generally don't, the ones who do often think its hilarious. humor is a great door opener for important conversations like say the proper use of an oven for starters Or why we don't run around hitting people with sticks and calling them "jimmeh"
omg that's hilarious who invented that guy?

seriously it goes over our kids heads. and to the person who has to explain the leakage to an 8 year old boy just tell them you'll explain it when they are 14 or something. either they'll forget or get enough info from sex ed enough to go "ew don't wanna hear it".


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